She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
