when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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