Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
