State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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