I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
