But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he thought i was a dude.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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