I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
