You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
