I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
