DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Im part way to drunk.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
