we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
