We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
