i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
