You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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