I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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