So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
