Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
