I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
