that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
