I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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