New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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