im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
