I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize