Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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