You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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