sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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