I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
do nipples grow back?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
