i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
