There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
