whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
