When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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