Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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