So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Farmville is her only friend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
3 2 1 whiskey
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
