You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
