Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
