Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hippo gnu deer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
