i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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