Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
