6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
