i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
