we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
