Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
jump out the window naked night went bad
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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