he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize