How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
