i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
