I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
