My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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