I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize