was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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