five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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