Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
