I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
