I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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