Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
