Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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