oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
