i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
