the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
they need to just BURY HIM!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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