I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
