Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What a dumb baby whore.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
