Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
