please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
