lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
