I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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