we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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