i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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