I just cut my nipple shaving
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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