also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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