So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
