I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
