why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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