Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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