all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
