At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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